The protagonist is Rasmus, and we see him in 'flash forward' dying in 1989. Clearly he will become a victim of this disease, but for now he's 19, moving to Stockholm and determined to explore his identity. I had mixed feelings about watching it because , like Rasmus, I couldn't come out until I had left home and moved to London. Watching his first brave/terrified steps into picking up men had a touch of nostalgia for me (you know where to go and what you want, but you can't describe it or really understand the signs...)
The other main character is Benjamin. We saw him watching over Rasmus in 1989. He's a Jehovah's Witness and also gay. The first time we see him in 1983 he's going door to door doing ‘preaching duty’. This leads him to meet someone confronts Benjamin about his homosexuality and Benjamin is visibly shocked. He becomes withdrawn and distant, in contrast to Rasmus who is out on the town all the time (and it's implied that's when he became infected). However, with Benjamin it's different. Because, as the narrator put it, he 'barely dared to exist' Benjamin went cottaging and cruising, but never explored the gay scene. He wants to, certainly, but it's not clear he ever hooked up with anyone at all.
One interesting element is the relationship both guys have with their parents. Both sets feel there's something wrong - Benjamin's are clearly proud of their son but worry he's so withdrawn while Rasmus's are in some form of denial. Yet both, it seems, at some level know. Through flashbacks the sense of loneliness shrouding both boys as they grew up, marking increasing distance from family and school-friends is palpable.
Benjamin eventually starts to come to terms with his homosexuality – distraught because he only "wants to love someone who will love him back" and being religious he believes that is now not an option for him (the thorn in his flesh, the challenge for him to overcome). However, by recognising what he is he at least opens up possibilities and quite soon he meets Rasmus, at a party run by that very man he met while on ‘preaching duty’.
It's about this time that HIV/AIDS is first brought openly
into the story, using media reports and television discussions. The reactions
of the two men's families to the news of the disease is interesting. Rasmus's
parents ignore it; while Benjamin's are both sympathetic to the victims whilst considering
it God's punishment and perhaps the start of the 'end of days'.
Yet, that's not what the story's about. Not quite yet. These
two young men bond straight away. Perhaps even love at first sight. Still, that
first meeting is full of men with a cough, with a cold, a sore on their
mouth... and there's a flash forward to the doctor advising Benjamin it is time
to call Rasmus's parents. You know what’s coming.
The episode ends with Rasmus and Benjamin in 1983, walking
down a Stockholm road. "Do you know where you are going?" asks
Benjamin. "Not really" is the reply, with a laugh. "Do you want
to go there together?"… It's both a touching start to something wonderful
but tragic harbinger for them both.
I see so much of my own experience in these two young
men. The sense of isolation and distance from those around you when you know you're,
somehow, different. By starting to come to terms with it, you become
simultaneously eager to explore and discover who you are, and convinced because
of it you can't have what others have - love, happiness... so you make do with
fun, casual relationships and living in the day. Then you meet
someone.
It's very nice to be in a world, or a part of it, where
things are a bit easier than they were back then. It turns out you don't
have to be afraid of who you are, or feel different. And you can have what
everyone else has. It's still risky, and hard work. But it's worth it. If you
take care.
The acute epidemic underpinning this show was too long ago
to have affected me directly but we know and understand HIV is still with us.
100,000 in the UK have the disease. If the general population were infected at
the same rate as gay men it would be 3 million. Although there is medicine,
there is unlikely to be any cure soon. So let me add my own voice to the many
others out there. Use a condom, get tested and if you are HIV positive: be
healthy and of course comply with your meds. Enough preaching - there are some useful links in the sidebar if you want to know more
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Thanks for your comment, and for reading my ramblings. Let me check it first and I'll post it ASAP